I'm absolutely frustrated. I'm still having problems with the blog comments. They aren't saving in the directory I want them to go in and I can't figure out what I'm missing in the stupid code. I guess in the big picture, it only sucks because I'm anal retentive. I want the freakin' comment files in the "comments" directory, damn it! I'm also trying to get the javascript to work so that the archive breakdown automatically appears on the blog page instead of having to link to the archive page and then choose a date. Yeah, apparently my brain isn't large enough to resolve two simple problems at the same time.

I've been chastized for not giving a shout out to Whitey for helping get the comments up and running on my blog. You know I love you, Whitey! Don't remand me to "drama elf" status, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Anyway, I think the blogger gods are punishing me. The first two comments I've received are about a typo and my faux paus.

Okay, so I’m on the Lutakins diet. My modified version of Atkins, cuz you’d have to be freakin’ insane to actually try to live your life on Atkins. Anyway, I’m tryin’ to stick to Lutakins and the rat bastards at work have no fewer than five office parties planned in the next four weeks, yeah, exactly. So, today the party frenzy began. I’m thinking I’ll be okay if party favors include lots of cheese and bacon, alas, carbohydrates reigned supreme. You know, it’s just plain cruel. It’s liking putting a truck load of water in front of a nomad who’s survived a month in the desert by sucking the sweat from his socks and telling him not to drink. Did I partake of the sugar befouled soft drinks…the flour infested crispy snackins…the humungous, succulent chocolate cake? Oh, I wanted to, I desperately wanted to. I could smell the cocoa in the cake…lying seductively in its cardboard box…laying it moist goodness on the table for everyone to see. I fantasized about caressing its chocoloately layers in my mouth. Instead, I went upstairs and ate a piece of beef jerky. It’s really quite sad if you think about it. I really don’t think I could have resisted all the temptations laid before me if I hadn’t eaten an entire pepperoni pizza for lunch. Yeah, I know, I suck.

Herb (as in Thyme not Peaches), my elderly tabby, is a total pig. Ever since he was a wee, little tuft of fuzz, he's had an immense appetite. However, earlier this year, Herb started losing weight...lots of weight...so much weight that my Honey now laminates the fact that he can no longer call Herb "Fat Bastard." Anyway, Herb apparently was dropping poundage because he decided he no longer wanted to have anything to do with crunchy kitty nibbles. So, I switched him over to soft kitty nibbles.

The soft kitty nibbles seemed to help. His appetite seemed to increase. But, I worried that he was still under-weight. So, I put him on a "bulk it up" diet by turning him on to canned kitty nibbles.

The canned food did the trick. Herb started eating a can of food in the morning and a can in the evening. The ounces started to pile on. He looked like a healthy cat again. So, I decided we should go back to soft kitty nibbles again. Wrong. Herb decided it was canned nibbles or nothing at all. Okay, I can deal with that. For a couple months, we were doing fine. A can of food in the morning, a can of food in the evening.

Now Herb is showing signs of addiction. In the last few weeks, he whines for food as soon as we get out of bed. He hurries and eats it. When we're leaving for work he whines for more food. I feel guilty cause he's just a little kitty, so I feed him another can. If I stop home for lunch, he wants another can. As soon as I hit the door in the evening, he wants another can. After we've had dinner, he wants another can. Before bed, he wants another can.

Occassionally, if you walk by his bowl when he's eating. He'll run and try to trip you and then quickly run back to his bowl and will look at you and whine. The greedy little bastard hasn't even finished one bowl of food and he wants more!

The addictive powers of pulvrized fish gills and turkey colon upon a kitty cat are beyond my ability to comprehend.

You ever have someone come to you just because they needed someone to vent to and then you make a total ass of yourself? I talked to a friend today who is in a bit of a quandry. Instead of behaving like a good friend and listening quietly, I find myself doling out bad advice. The rational, Ricky Ricardo voice in my head tried desperately to convince me to shut up and listen. Apparently, the overbearing, moronic, Lucy Ricardo voice in my head has all the brute strength. Despite my better judgement and good intentions, I couldn't make myself shut up. So, I sat with feet propped on desk and telephone receiver casuallly grasped in my hand, blabbering unhelpful suggestions to my friend trapped on the other end of the line. I suck.

The hovel renovation is moving along at a snail's pace. Due in no small part to the fact that my honey and I are putting in fewer hours than my in-laws and a friend. If I could find the extra time to put into remodeling without completely ignoring the kids, we would probably be finished with the house work by now. As it stands presently, the entire contents of the bathroom are spread through no fewer than four rooms and a hallway...I am not exagerrating. At some point I'll have to cram all the bathroom crap back into one tiny space, but it's probably a good idea not to think about that right now.

I took another karate test today. I injured my leg while warming up...wonderful. I'm already the suckiest green belt in the do jang and I go and injure myself before the testing even begins!

At the end of testing, Sa Bum Nim said everyone did a good job. He must not have been watching me. I screwed up two of the easiest parts of my form. I didn't do the kicks right because I was afraid I'd kick the green belts on either side of me in the kidney's. And then I screwed up the order of two sets of punches...beautiful.

At least I made it through the test without completely pulling my left thigh muscle. I' m sure everyone sitting near me appreciated the half-jar of Tiger Balm I spread on my leg as much as I did.

Oh well, since Sa Bum Nim told us as a group we did well and he didn't pull me aside to tell me he's ashamed to call me his student, I'm hoping I passed my test.

I am so excited about the upcoming release of The Two Towers, only 46 days to go. Sean Bean is in some of the extended footage. Yum-mee. Viggio-Shmeego...Orlando-blando. I can't wait to see me some of the 10 never-before-seen seconds of Beano.

If you know me, you know I luv the bad guys, a.k.a. "WEGS men." Huh? That's right, I said WEGS men. What am I talking about? WEGS is a rare condition usually affecting middle-aged women. The medical name of the disease is Warped Estrogen Gland Syndrome. How are you diagnosed with WEGS? Typically your girl friends will notice you have the symptoms before you do. If you begin hearing a lot of "Eewww-gross, what do you see in him?"...there's a pretty good chance someone has WEGS. A good way to verify whether or not you have WEGS is to watch "Meet Joe Black" with a group of male-lusting women. If everyone else is all goose-pimply with the yumminess of Brad and you suddenly find yourself noticing what a hot tamale Anthony Hopkins is, you've got WEGS.

Anyway, back to The Two Towers and LOTR. Most of the women I know can't get enough of Viggo or Orlando. Not me, I'm all about Sean Bean. It's a shame Tolkein killed Boromir so early in the story. Of course, he couldn't have known Beano would one day be portraying the fallen hero. (That's right, I said "hero.") Oh well, at least Peter Jackson is doing me a favor by including some flash back footage of Boromir in Towers. I said it before and I'll say it again, Yum-mee!