Once again, my inadequacies as a red belt have been glaringly demonstrated. In last night's class, as about 25 of us went through basics, SBN would call one person at a time over to demostrate their highest form for him.

When it was my turn, I told him I didn't know my highest form yet. He said, and I quote, "that's alright, let's go through it and I'll help you when you get stuck." I said, and again I quote, "you're going to be helping me early and often." He looked at me like I was crazy.

So I perform the third move of the form and he says, "no, go back." I don't remember what it is, so he tells me what it is. This same thing happens for the next 20 moves in the form. I can tell by his demeanor that he is thoroughly disgusted with me. He tells me to go back in line and to let Lefty know her turn is up.

As soon as I'm settled back in line, SBN calls me back over to where he is about to work with Lefty. A red belt has arrived for the following class, and is warming up. He tells her to help me with the form.

Of the ten or so people who have gone through the drill before me. I am the only one who has to receive "special" instruction. Party of one for the short bus...

So, I went to karate last night. BBJ led class. I must say, I do enjoy the way BBJ teaches. He gave us a good basics work out. We did pausing basics in one direction, then when moving in the opposite direction, we'd do the same move at normal pace. Balancing is a bitch on the pausing basics, but it sure as hell works the calf muscles out.

I'm walking around today with calves of steel, I wore pedal-pusher pants to show them off. People hunker down in fear as I walk by, that's right, "fear the calves."

Got a major case of the blahs going. I'm not really interested in doing anything more than sleeping and perhaps eating--preferably something laced with chocolate or butter. Unfortunately that utopia does not exist for me. Every day I force myself to exist in the waking world.

So that I don't have to deal with the guilt produced by excessive napping, I'm forcing myself to take on projects. Last week I decided to finish fixing up the kids bathroom. The mini-vacation Hurricane Ivan granted us, allowed me to finish pulling the crap off all the walls and then prep and paint them. The only thing left now is to hang the wallpaper border and re-attach everything I pulled off the walls--this includes the 200 pound mirror I cracked when I tried to take it down by myself. Yes, I am going to put the battered mirror back on the wall. Why? Because I'm too cheap to go by an $80 mirror to put in its place. Plus, this is the kids bathroom, they'll probably think the unsightly fracture is something special Mommy made just for them.

Ivan also provided me with a good excuse to skip karate for a week. I'm in a karate rut so just about anything provides me with a good excuse to skip class. I guess I have some karate bi-polar issues I need to resolve. I was so pumped up for a few weeks after the tournament, I was going to turn myself into a kick-ass ninja mom. Then, bam, crash and burn. I'm down on myself. I just don't perform the way I think I should as a red belt.

Anyway, I forced myself to go to class this Tuesday. I probably should have stayed home. I didn't have the best attitude. I felt like a disobedient elementary school kid...giving the instructor dirty looks, stepping out of line without permission, instigating dissention amongst my peers. I'm a naughty gup.

Lefty and I have to teach class Friday evening. I'm not at all looking forward to it. I'm hoping Ivan comes back and keeps students away.

After six days of struggling with my new hair-do, I've decided I don't like the cut or the hi-lites. I think the fact that my stylist is six months pregnant has a lot to do with it. Her pregnancy hormones are some how interferring with her abilities.

Granted, everything looked great the day she cut and styled it. I can't do crap with it.

Today I didn't even bother trying to wrangle it into shape. I just let it dry without interference. The way it looks kind of reminds me of Jim Carey's hair in Dumb and Dumber.

Yes, I do not like my new do.

Got my hair done Saturday. Hi-lites, low-lites, new cut. The cut looked really nice after TE fixed it Saturday. I, on the other hand, am having trouble getting the hang of making it look fabulous. I blame it on not having an extra set of arms and hands protruding from my back.

This morning, I went to the dentist. Had the teeth scraped. I always feel so guilty while the hygentist is scraping...and scraping...and scraping. I usually wind up apologizing and promising to brush better for the next six months. But everytime I do, she says, "oh please you have wonderful teeth, you should see some of our bad patients." Then the dentist comes in and he always says the same thing, "we don't like patients like you, if everyone had teeth like yours, we'd go out of business."

I'm trying to make the most of my inflated self-image while I can. I plan on going to black-belt class this evening. By 8 p.m., my self-image will be shattered and laying in pieces on the do-jang mats.

So today was Fall Fest and like the good little employee that I am, I volunteer for some, sure to be miserable, duty. Historically, Fall Fest is brutal. Anything scheduled outdoors, in the middle of the day, in south Louisiana is inviting a rainstorm or heat stroke.

It wasn't so bad today. It was hot, but not scorching. And, the rain stayed away. Although by the end of it, my spigot skin had pretty much soaked me anyway. As it turns out, my "miserable" duty wasn't all that bad. My co-workers and I were given popsicle duty.

I decided I didn't want to be confined to the imaginery borders of our pop-up cabana. So, I'd take big-ol bags of popsicles and walk around the quad handing them out. I did this for about an hour and a half. People flocked to me...they thanked me...they praised me...they loved me.

So, today I brought carrots, grapes and peanut butter with me for lunch. Lunchtime rolls around and the carrots and grapes aren't so appetizing. Payday was Tuesday. I'm splurging for some Cane's (#3 combo, diet coke).

On the way to said establishment, I hear a strange song. Aggressive, head-banger music in the background, add a rough, female voice singing--screaming--I LIKE TO GO TO THE WATER PARK! THE WATER'S COLD BUT THE SUN IS HOT! This amuses me. I like the fact that someone took the time to musically bitch about something they like.

Now, I have a happy bitch song running through my head and a tummy full of cane's. The world should be a beautiful place. NO. Why? Because people are stupid.

To the sorority girl in the white Volkswagen daddy bought:
When you have a stop sign and I don't, that means you have to stop and I get to proceed, uninterrupted on my merry fucking "I like water parks" way! The next time you lay on your horn because I did what I was supposed to do and you didn't get to do what you weren't supposed to do, I may just put my car in park and get out and slap that $200 phone out of your rich-bitch, french-manicured hand.

To the old lady wearing headphones while jogging around the lakes:
The street is for the cars, not the joggers. The jog path three feet to your right is for joggers, ALL JOGGERS, this means you. If you really must be in the street, have the decency to jog against the flow of traffic, like pedestrians are supposed do. (Note to you, joggers are pedestrians. ) Since you can't hear the vehicles barreling down on you'll at least be able to see them. Which means YOU can move out of the way instead of forcing the vehicles--which, by the way, are supposed to be using the road--to slow down and drive -3mph until it is safe to go around you. It's only a matter of time before you're hit by one of the stupid greeks speeding around the lake at 60mph. I see a sorority girl in a white volkeswagon with your name on her front bumper.

WHEW! That felt good, I am cleansed. I LIKE TO GO TO A RESTAURANT, WHERE THE SAUCE IS COLD BUT THE CHICKENS HOT!

I guess I've been a naughty blogger once again. My excuse? I've been having so much fun harrassing Lefty about not posting to her blog that I've entirely overlooked posting to mine.

I've also been feeling icky. I swear I've had a headache for about 15 days in a row, along with a nagging cough. I'm rotating over the counter medication: excedrine migraine, alleve sinus, cough syrup, tylenol pm, excedrine migraine...you get the picture. Nothing seems to do the trick. I keep thinking at some point my head is bound to stop hurting and I won't cough anymore.

Other than feeling like total crap, not a whole lot is going on. Of course, I suppose there's always karate stuff. When we returned from tournament, Sa Bom Nim started handing out promotions. I now have a stripe on my red belt putting me at 2nd gup. The promotion sort of felt anti-climatic after tournament. Not that I'm not happy about the advancement. Especially considering that I hadn't fully committed myself to testing until about a week before it happened. Thinking of it this way, I really should be thrilled that I was promoted.

Last night in class we went over our new form once. It will take about 500 million more times before I remember it. Lefty likes to accuse other people of having a sponge brain, it's akin to pot calling kettle "black." I'm quite sure Lefty had the new form completely memorized before we even finished going through it. My only consolation in not remembering forms is that RBJ is my "righty" and I think he's even worse than I am at remembering forms. So, I look to my left and I feel inadequate, I look to my right and I feel average.